VELOCIRAPTOR THOUGHTS ON "MANBUNS"

YES YES GREETINGS TO READERS OF VELOCIRPATOR BLOG, WHERE VELOCIRAPTOR SPEAK ABOUT IMPORTANT CURRENT EVENTS.

LAST TIME VELOCIRAPTOR TALK ABOUT HOW BEAUTIFUL AMERICA COUNTRY SHOULD USE MEATS INSTEAD OF MONIES, BUT TODAY VELOCIRAPTOR SPEAK OF EVEN MORE PRESSING ISSUE.

WHAT IS THAAAAAAAAAAAAAT

EVIDENTLY THIS HAVE BEEN A THING FOR A WHILE NOW, AND HUMAN OPINIONS ARE AS WIDE AND VARIED ABOUT THIS THING AS HUMAN OPINIONS ARE WIDE AND VARIED ABOUT EVERY OTHER THING EVER.

THEY ARE CALLED "MANBUNS" AS IT SEEMS.  WHEN VELOCIRAPTOR HEAR THIS WORD, "MANBUN," THE PICTURE IN VELOCIRAPTOR'S HEAD IS THE ONLY LOGICAL ONE THAT COULD ARRIVE TO THE INSIDE OF A NOGGIN OF A LOGICAL BEING:

IF VELOCIRAPTOR IS BEING HONEST THIS IS

HOW HE SEE HUMANS MOST OF THE TIME

OF COURSE WHEN VELOCIRAPTOR ASK HIS NEIGHBOR RAMONE WHO IS HAIRDRESSER WHAT HE THINK OF WHEN HEAR "MANBUNS," RAMONE GIVE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT ANSWER.

BUT VELOCIRAPTOR DIGRESSES.

AS VELOCIRAPTOR HEAR, SOME PEOPLE LOOK AT MANBUN AND SAY, "YES, THIS THING LOOK GOOD ON MY HEAD."  OTHER PEOPLES ARE LOOKING AT PEOPLE WITH MANBUNS ON THEIR HEAD AND ARE SAYING, "YOUR APPEARANCE IS SIMILAR TO THAT OF A HUMAN THAT IS FOOLISH." THE FIRST PEOPLE ARE TAKING PHOTOS OF THEIR MANBUNS WHILE DOING A "CROSSFIT," THEY TELL VELOCIRAPTOR, OR DOING A "VEGAN" (WHICH HUMANS EXPLAIN CONCEPT TO VELOCIRAPTOR OF "VEGAN" BUT VELOCIRAPTOR IS STILL ALMOST SURE IS JOKE.)

SO CURIOUS INTERNET HUMANS ARE PROBABLY SAYING TO SELVES, "BUT WHAT DOES VELOCIRAPTOR THINK OF EXCITING NEW DEVELOPMENT IN HUMAN FASHION?"

IT REMIND VELOCIRAPTOR OF SCRAWNY MAMMALS THAT SURVIVED METEOR BLAST THAT KILLED VELOCIRAPTOR'S RELATIVES.

VELOCIRAPTOR MISS ALL RELATIVES.  

EXCEPT PHIL.  GOOD RIDDANCE, COUSIN PHIL

AND HIS TENDENCY TO LEAVE DROPPINGS DIRECTLY OUTSIDE OF VELOCIRAPTOR'S CAVE.

YES, IT IS TRUE.  VELOCIRAPTOR DOES NOT LIKE "MANBUNS."


HUMAN READERS MAY ASK VELOCIRAPTOR, "BUT WHY IS VELOCIRAPTOR CARING ABOUT HUMAN FASHION WHEN VELOCIRAPTOR WALK AROUND NAKED?"

TO WHICH VELOCIRAPTOR RESPOND, BEAUTIFUL SCALY VELOCIRAPTOR HAVE TO SEE UGLY PINK MONKEYS ON INTERNET ALL DAY, WHY MAKE VELOCIRAPTOR'S SUFFERING WORSE?

MAMMAL-CENTRAL CULTURE IN BEAUTIFUL AMERICA SOMETIMES MAKE VELOCIRAPTOR SICK.  HUMANS SHOULD BE MORE SENSITIVE TO THE DINOSAUR MINORITY, AND WEAR DINOSAUR HAIR.

VELOCIRAPTOR GOOGLED "DINOSAUR HAIR" AND WAS NOT DISAPPOINTED.

THANKFULLY, VELOCIRAPTOR REMEMBER WHEN "CARGO SHORTS" WERE ALSO A THING THAT HUMANS WORE ON REGULAR BASIS.  SUCH IS NOT SO NOW, AND HUMANITY HAS ESCAPED SUCH DARK TIMES.  VELOCIRAPTOR CAN ONLY HOPE THAT SUCH IS THE CASE WITH THE MANBUN.

WHY MEATS SHOULD BE MONIES

DEAR HUMANKIND READERS

IT HAS COME TO VELOCIRAPTOR'S ATTENTION THAT BEAUTIFUL COUNTRY AMERICA HAS BEEN ECONOMICALLY PROBLEMED FOR SEVERAL YEARS.  THERE HAVE BEEN ISSUES WITH MONIES AND STOCK MARKET AND OIL AND "INTERNET BUBBLE" AND WHATNOT.

INTERNET BUBBLE?

THIS NO IS GOOD FOR BEAUTIFUL AMERICA LAND. THERE SHOULD BE LOTS OF MONIES, ENOUGH TO HELP ALL. AFTER ALL, THIS LAND OF FREE, NOT LAND OF RENT-TO-OWN.

VELOCIRAPTOR THINK LONG AND HARD ABOUT MONEY PROBLEMS OF AMERICA.  AFTER MANY DELIBERATIONS AND CRANIUM-SCRATCHING HOURS, VELOCIRAPTOR HAVE COME UP WITH BRILLIANT SOLUTION:

AMERICA NEEDS MAKE MEATS THE NEW MONEY.

FIG. 1

DELECTABLE CURRENCY YES

READERS ARE HEARING VELOCIRAPTOR OUT ON THIS, YES?

VELOCIRAPTOR HAVE COMPILED MANY COMPELLING ARGUMENTS IN FAVOR OF VISIONARY NEW MONETARY CONCEPT AND LISTED THEM BELOW.

1) MONEY IS USED FOR BUYING MEATS ANYWAY

SO AMERICA SAVE TIME AND EFFORT BY CUTTING OUT MONEY FOR BUYING MEATS.  THIS MAKE LIFE MUCH EASIER.

HUMAN READER, THINK TO SELF: LET'S SAY READER READY TO GO TO BUTCHER SHOP AND ACQUIRE FLESH NUTRIENTS, BECAUSE PUNY HUMAN NO HAVE HUMONGOUS TOE-CLAWS OR SAVAGE TEETH, YES?  HUMAN READY TO GET IN AUTOMOBILE, GO TO BUTCHERMAN AND GIVE MONEY FOR MEAT -- BUT HERE PART THAT BLOW MIND -- HUMAN ALREADY HAVE MEAT BECAUSE IT IS NEW MONEY.  WOOOOOAAHHH.  HUMAN NO HAVE TO GO TO BUTCHER NOW.  AMAZING? VELOCIRAPTOR THINKS YES.

2) WALLETS ARE MEAT

 WALLETS ARE MADE OF DERMAL MATERIALS OF COW, YES?  HOW SAY, SKIN?  WELL IS COW SKIN NOT MEAT? YES, COW-SKIN IS MEAT. NOW AMERICANS CAN USE OLD COW-SKIN WALLETS FOR MONEY BECAUSE IT IS MEAT. 

FIG. 2 

BRILLIANT MONEY STORAGE IDEA

HERE VELOCIRAPTOR RECREATE MONEY STORAGE SYSTEM.  AMERICANS ARE TO BE HAVING REFRIGERAMATORS, YES?  WITH SIMPLE PIONEERING INNOVATION CREATED BY VELOCIRAPTOR, AMERICANS ARE TO BE HAVING NO WALLETS NO MORE. 

3) INFLATION IS NOW AMERICA'S GREATEST ASSET

SO VELOCIRAPTOR INTRODUCE BRILLIANT IDEA TO VARIOUS HUMANKIND PEOPLE, YES?  SOME SAY, "VERY GOOD, VELOCIRAPTOR." THESE ARE HUMANS THAT VELOCIRAPTOR PROMOTE TO SENATORS ONCE VELOCIRAPTOR ELECTED PRESIDENT FOR BRILLIANT IDEA THAT SAVE COUNTRY.

BUT SOME HUMANKIND PEOPLE SAY TO VELOCIRAPTOR, "VELOCIRAPTOR," THEY SAY, "BUT WHAT ABOUT INFLATION? WILL NOT GREAT INFLUX OF MEAT PRODUCTS AS CURRENCY CREATE DEVASTATING INFLATION UPON AMERICA?"

TO WHICH VELOCIRAPTOR NOW RESPOND: BUT THAT IS GREATEST AMERICAN ASSET. JUST LOOK BELOW:

FIG. 3

JUST LOOK AT ALL THAT AMERICAN INFLATION, YES?

HUMAN MAN HAS GREAT INFLATION.

AMERICA HAS MORE INFLATION THAN ANY OTHER HUMAN NATION EXCEPT MEXICO AND ARABIA, YES? AMERICAN MANS AND WOMANS ARE VERY INFLATED.  SO HERE WHERE THIS BECOME STRENGTH: NOW THAT MEATS ARE MONIES, AMERICA NOW HAS MUCH MORE MEATS BECAUSE AMERICANS ARE MUCH MORE INFLATED.

SOMETIMES VELOCIRAPTOR AMAZE EVEN SELF WITH SUCH GENIUS THAT VELOCIRAPTOR IS CURRENTLY DISPLAYING.

LET US USE EXAMPLE, YES.

AMERICAN MAN WISHES TO BUY BIG-SCREEN TV FOR WHICH HE SITS IN FRONT OF AND BECOMES MORE INFLATED, YES?  HE ALSO WISH TO BUY POPCORN MACHINE TO KEEP BY BIG-SCREEN TV FOR GOOD MEASURE.  AMERICAN  MAN GOES TO STORE TO ACQUIRE ENTERTAINMENT GOODS, AND SAYS TO SALESMAN, "I WISH TO ACQUIRE ENTERTAINMENT GOODS." 

 SALESMAN, WHO IS VELOCIRAPTOR, SAY TO AMERICAN MAN, "THAT WILL BE 3 INFLATIONS."  VELOCIRAPTOR REMOVE INFLATIONS FROM MAN, AND MAN GOES HOME TO WATCH BIG-SCREEN TV AND ACQUIRE EVEN MORE INFLATIONS.

(NOTE: INFLATIONS NOT TASTE AS GOOD AS DELICIOUS MEATS. INFLATIONS ARE RUBBERY AND CHEWY, AND NOT SO HIGH IN NUTRITIOUS VALUE.  THEREFORE, INFLATIONS SHOULD BE SYSTEMATICALLY CHANGED IN VALUE IN RELATION TO DELICIOUS MEATS DEPENDING ON CURRENT MARKET VALUE.

AN EXAMPLE.

SO THERE IS IDEA.  WHAT HUMANKIND THINK?  PLEASE TO BE LEAVING COMMENTS BELOW, AND ANY HUMANKIND WHO SUPPORT RADICAL BUT NECESSARY MOVEMENT CAN HAVE NAME ON BILL THAT VELOCIRAPTOR SENDS TO CONGRESS.

LET NO ONE SAY THAT VELOCIRAPTOR CARES NOT FOR THE WELFARE OF BEAUTIFUL AMERICA LAND.

-VELOCIRAPTOR

MANSCAPING

GREETINGS MEAT-MONKEYS.

THIS MORNING WHEN VELOCIRAPTOR WAKE UP AND START ROUTINE (BRUSH FANGS, GET MAIL FROM MAILMAN, DEVOUR MAILMAN, DRINK COFFEE), VELOCIRAPTOR DECICE TO VISIT NEIGHBOR. SO VELOCIRAPTOR TALK TO NEIGHBOR-LADY RUTH.  LADY RUTH IS NICE SENIOR CITIZEN WHO ALMOST AS OLD AS VELOCIRAPTOR (65 MILLION YEARS). RUTH KNOW HER STUFF.

VELOCIRAPTOR ASK RUTH-LADY WHAT IS POPULAR AMONG HUMANS IN THESE MODERN DAYS. RUTH-HUMAN SAYS, "I'm not quite sure, but last I head, 'manscaping' was a big thing."

MANSCAPING???

NOW, VELOCIRAPTOR IS OLD-FASHIONED.  IN MANY WAYS, VELOCIRAPTOR PREFER TRADITIONAL THINGS.  SO WHEN TOLD ABOUT MANSCAPING, VELOCIRAPTOR INITIALLY RELUCTANT.

BUT VELOCIRAPTOR HAVE OPEN-MIND, AND  VELOCIRAPTOR HAS COME TO FOLLOWING CONCLUSION:

IF PERSON DESIRES TO LANDSCAPE THEIR YARD WITH MANS, IT IS NONE OF VELOCIRAPTOR'S BUSINESS, AND VELOCIRAPTOR SHALL BE ACCEPTING.

AND HERE WE SEE A PLANTED MAN-SAPLING BLOOMING INTO MATURITY

SOON IT SHALL SPROUT DELICIOUS SHEDDINGS

IN MODERN WORLD, IT ONLY MAKES SENSE  WHY HUMANS WISH TO LANDSCAPE THEIR HOMES WITH MANS, CONSIDERING OTHER YARD-ADORNMENT OPTIONS. WHO WANT PLANTS?  AZALEAS AND FERNS BORING AS CRAP.

BORING AS CRAP

WHO NEED CRAPPY FLOWERS WITH THEIR PHOTOSYNTHESIS AND WHATNOT

RECEIVING NUTRIENTS FROM SUNLIGHT AND NOT FROM DEVOURING FLESH OF WEAKER BEINGS 

LIKE THE WAY RAPTOR-BUDDHA INTENDED.

AND DO NOT EVEN GET VELOCIRAPTOR STARTED ON GARDEN GNOMES.

GARDEN GNOME? MORE LIKE GARDEN GNO.

NO, LANDSCAPING YARD WITH MEN MAKE MUCH SENSE.  THINK OF ALL KINDS OF VARIETY AVAILABLE TO HOMEOWNERS.  PUT ROW OF SENATORS ALONG PATH SO THEIR HOT WIND CREATE NICE BREEZE.  KEEP FEW LAWYERS NEXT TO COMPOST PILE WHERE THEY BELONG.  AND IN EVENING, LET SOUND OF BROS DRINKING BREWSKIS AND TELLING OF WOMAN-PURSUING ESCAPADES LULL YOU TO SLEEP.

ALL IN ALL VELOCIRAPTOR THINK MANSCAPING IS GOOD IDEA.  VELOCIRAPTOR START NOW WITH REMAINS OF MAILMAN.

FORMAL INTRODUCTION PERHAPS

SALUTATIONS TO ALL NON-DINOSAURS WHO ARE READING BLOG.

VELOCIRAPTOR'S NAME IS VELOCIRAPTOR.

UNCANNILY ENOUGH VELOCIRAPTOR IS ALSO VELOCIRAPTOR DINOSAUR.

ONE OF THESE.

PICTURE NO IS SELFIE BUT AT LEAST VELOCIRAPTOR HAVE SUFFICIENT ARM LENGTH TO TAKE SELIFE

UNLIKE CERTAIN DINOSAUR VELOCIRAPTOR KNOWS

HAHAHAHAHAHA

ONE DAY VELOCIRAPTOR THINK TO SELF, "HEY, WHY VELOCIRAPTOR NO HAVE BLOG? VELOCIRAPTOR IS VERY INTERESTING DINOSAUR, PERHAPS INTERNET WISH TO KNOW WHAT VELOCIRAPTOR THINK OF CURRENT EVENTS AND POLITICAL ISSUES."

"AFTER ALL, VELOCIRAPTOR AT LEAST AS QUALIFIED IN CURRENT EVENTS AND POLITICAL ISSUES AS HOLLYWOOD CELEBRITIES, AND WHOLE WORLD WANT TO KNOW WHAT THEY THINK."

VELOCIRAPTOR JUST WANT INTERNET MEAT-MONKEYS TO KNOW THAT VELOCIRAPTOR CARES.

ANY INTERNET MEAT-MONKEYS THAT ARE WISHING TO CONTACT VELOCIRAPTOR MAY DO SO BY THE MASHING PHALANGES ON KEYBOARD IN COHERENT STRINGS OF LETTERS.

UNTIL TOMORROW, I LEAVE INTERNET MEAT-MONKEYS WITH WISE WORDS THAT VELOCIRAPTOR'S FATHER TELL TO VELOCIRAPTOR WHEN VERY LITTLE.

"SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"

-FATHER OF VELOCIRAPTOR

GOODNIGHT

VELOCIRAPTOR BONE UP

VELOCIRAPTOR HAVE BEAUTIFUL CONVERSATION WITH AMERICA VELOCIRAPTOR TRIED TO COPY AND PASTE INTO BLOG IT FAILED IF AMERICA HAVE CONVERSATION PLEASE TO POST OR SOMETHING VELOCIRAPTOR THANKS AMERICA

VELOCIRAPTOR RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT

IT IS TRUE VELOCIRAPTOR'S RUNNING MATE IS AMERICA

VELOCIRAPTOR IS AMERICAN NOW

THANK YOU SO MUCH AMERICA

SCREEEEEEEEEE

SCREEEEEEEEEE