WHY MEATS SHOULD BE MONIES

DEAR HUMANKIND READERS

IT HAS COME TO VELOCIRAPTOR'S ATTENTION THAT BEAUTIFUL COUNTRY AMERICA HAS BEEN ECONOMICALLY PROBLEMED FOR SEVERAL YEARS.  THERE HAVE BEEN ISSUES WITH MONIES AND STOCK MARKET AND OIL AND "INTERNET BUBBLE" AND WHATNOT.

INTERNET BUBBLE?

THIS NO IS GOOD FOR BEAUTIFUL AMERICA LAND. THERE SHOULD BE LOTS OF MONIES, ENOUGH TO HELP ALL. AFTER ALL, THIS LAND OF FREE, NOT LAND OF RENT-TO-OWN.

VELOCIRAPTOR THINK LONG AND HARD ABOUT MONEY PROBLEMS OF AMERICA.  AFTER MANY DELIBERATIONS AND CRANIUM-SCRATCHING HOURS, VELOCIRAPTOR HAVE COME UP WITH BRILLIANT SOLUTION:

AMERICA NEEDS MAKE MEATS THE NEW MONEY.

FIG. 1

DELECTABLE CURRENCY YES

READERS ARE HEARING VELOCIRAPTOR OUT ON THIS, YES?

VELOCIRAPTOR HAVE COMPILED MANY COMPELLING ARGUMENTS IN FAVOR OF VISIONARY NEW MONETARY CONCEPT AND LISTED THEM BELOW.

1) MONEY IS USED FOR BUYING MEATS ANYWAY

SO AMERICA SAVE TIME AND EFFORT BY CUTTING OUT MONEY FOR BUYING MEATS.  THIS MAKE LIFE MUCH EASIER.

HUMAN READER, THINK TO SELF: LET'S SAY READER READY TO GO TO BUTCHER SHOP AND ACQUIRE FLESH NUTRIENTS, BECAUSE PUNY HUMAN NO HAVE HUMONGOUS TOE-CLAWS OR SAVAGE TEETH, YES?  HUMAN READY TO GET IN AUTOMOBILE, GO TO BUTCHERMAN AND GIVE MONEY FOR MEAT -- BUT HERE PART THAT BLOW MIND -- HUMAN ALREADY HAVE MEAT BECAUSE IT IS NEW MONEY.  WOOOOOAAHHH.  HUMAN NO HAVE TO GO TO BUTCHER NOW.  AMAZING? VELOCIRAPTOR THINKS YES.

2) WALLETS ARE MEAT

 WALLETS ARE MADE OF DERMAL MATERIALS OF COW, YES?  HOW SAY, SKIN?  WELL IS COW SKIN NOT MEAT? YES, COW-SKIN IS MEAT. NOW AMERICANS CAN USE OLD COW-SKIN WALLETS FOR MONEY BECAUSE IT IS MEAT. 

FIG. 2 

BRILLIANT MONEY STORAGE IDEA

HERE VELOCIRAPTOR RECREATE MONEY STORAGE SYSTEM.  AMERICANS ARE TO BE HAVING REFRIGERAMATORS, YES?  WITH SIMPLE PIONEERING INNOVATION CREATED BY VELOCIRAPTOR, AMERICANS ARE TO BE HAVING NO WALLETS NO MORE. 

3) INFLATION IS NOW AMERICA'S GREATEST ASSET

SO VELOCIRAPTOR INTRODUCE BRILLIANT IDEA TO VARIOUS HUMANKIND PEOPLE, YES?  SOME SAY, "VERY GOOD, VELOCIRAPTOR." THESE ARE HUMANS THAT VELOCIRAPTOR PROMOTE TO SENATORS ONCE VELOCIRAPTOR ELECTED PRESIDENT FOR BRILLIANT IDEA THAT SAVE COUNTRY.

BUT SOME HUMANKIND PEOPLE SAY TO VELOCIRAPTOR, "VELOCIRAPTOR," THEY SAY, "BUT WHAT ABOUT INFLATION? WILL NOT GREAT INFLUX OF MEAT PRODUCTS AS CURRENCY CREATE DEVASTATING INFLATION UPON AMERICA?"

TO WHICH VELOCIRAPTOR NOW RESPOND: BUT THAT IS GREATEST AMERICAN ASSET. JUST LOOK BELOW:

FIG. 3

JUST LOOK AT ALL THAT AMERICAN INFLATION, YES?

HUMAN MAN HAS GREAT INFLATION.

AMERICA HAS MORE INFLATION THAN ANY OTHER HUMAN NATION EXCEPT MEXICO AND ARABIA, YES? AMERICAN MANS AND WOMANS ARE VERY INFLATED.  SO HERE WHERE THIS BECOME STRENGTH: NOW THAT MEATS ARE MONIES, AMERICA NOW HAS MUCH MORE MEATS BECAUSE AMERICANS ARE MUCH MORE INFLATED.

SOMETIMES VELOCIRAPTOR AMAZE EVEN SELF WITH SUCH GENIUS THAT VELOCIRAPTOR IS CURRENTLY DISPLAYING.

LET US USE EXAMPLE, YES.

AMERICAN MAN WISHES TO BUY BIG-SCREEN TV FOR WHICH HE SITS IN FRONT OF AND BECOMES MORE INFLATED, YES?  HE ALSO WISH TO BUY POPCORN MACHINE TO KEEP BY BIG-SCREEN TV FOR GOOD MEASURE.  AMERICAN  MAN GOES TO STORE TO ACQUIRE ENTERTAINMENT GOODS, AND SAYS TO SALESMAN, "I WISH TO ACQUIRE ENTERTAINMENT GOODS." 

 SALESMAN, WHO IS VELOCIRAPTOR, SAY TO AMERICAN MAN, "THAT WILL BE 3 INFLATIONS."  VELOCIRAPTOR REMOVE INFLATIONS FROM MAN, AND MAN GOES HOME TO WATCH BIG-SCREEN TV AND ACQUIRE EVEN MORE INFLATIONS.

(NOTE: INFLATIONS NOT TASTE AS GOOD AS DELICIOUS MEATS. INFLATIONS ARE RUBBERY AND CHEWY, AND NOT SO HIGH IN NUTRITIOUS VALUE.  THEREFORE, INFLATIONS SHOULD BE SYSTEMATICALLY CHANGED IN VALUE IN RELATION TO DELICIOUS MEATS DEPENDING ON CURRENT MARKET VALUE.

AN EXAMPLE.

SO THERE IS IDEA.  WHAT HUMANKIND THINK?  PLEASE TO BE LEAVING COMMENTS BELOW, AND ANY HUMANKIND WHO SUPPORT RADICAL BUT NECESSARY MOVEMENT CAN HAVE NAME ON BILL THAT VELOCIRAPTOR SENDS TO CONGRESS.

LET NO ONE SAY THAT VELOCIRAPTOR CARES NOT FOR THE WELFARE OF BEAUTIFUL AMERICA LAND.

-VELOCIRAPTOR

MANSCAPING

GREETINGS MEAT-MONKEYS.

THIS MORNING WHEN VELOCIRAPTOR WAKE UP AND START ROUTINE (BRUSH FANGS, GET MAIL FROM MAILMAN, DEVOUR MAILMAN, DRINK COFFEE), VELOCIRAPTOR DECICE TO VISIT NEIGHBOR. SO VELOCIRAPTOR TALK TO NEIGHBOR-LADY RUTH.  LADY RUTH IS NICE SENIOR CITIZEN WHO ALMOST AS OLD AS VELOCIRAPTOR (65 MILLION YEARS). RUTH KNOW HER STUFF.

VELOCIRAPTOR ASK RUTH-LADY WHAT IS POPULAR AMONG HUMANS IN THESE MODERN DAYS. RUTH-HUMAN SAYS, "I'm not quite sure, but last I head, 'manscaping' was a big thing."

MANSCAPING???

NOW, VELOCIRAPTOR IS OLD-FASHIONED.  IN MANY WAYS, VELOCIRAPTOR PREFER TRADITIONAL THINGS.  SO WHEN TOLD ABOUT MANSCAPING, VELOCIRAPTOR INITIALLY RELUCTANT.

BUT VELOCIRAPTOR HAVE OPEN-MIND, AND  VELOCIRAPTOR HAS COME TO FOLLOWING CONCLUSION:

IF PERSON DESIRES TO LANDSCAPE THEIR YARD WITH MANS, IT IS NONE OF VELOCIRAPTOR'S BUSINESS, AND VELOCIRAPTOR SHALL BE ACCEPTING.

AND HERE WE SEE A PLANTED MAN-SAPLING BLOOMING INTO MATURITY

SOON IT SHALL SPROUT DELICIOUS SHEDDINGS

IN MODERN WORLD, IT ONLY MAKES SENSE  WHY HUMANS WISH TO LANDSCAPE THEIR HOMES WITH MANS, CONSIDERING OTHER YARD-ADORNMENT OPTIONS. WHO WANT PLANTS?  AZALEAS AND FERNS BORING AS CRAP.

BORING AS CRAP

WHO NEED CRAPPY FLOWERS WITH THEIR PHOTOSYNTHESIS AND WHATNOT

RECEIVING NUTRIENTS FROM SUNLIGHT AND NOT FROM DEVOURING FLESH OF WEAKER BEINGS 

LIKE THE WAY RAPTOR-BUDDHA INTENDED.

AND DO NOT EVEN GET VELOCIRAPTOR STARTED ON GARDEN GNOMES.

GARDEN GNOME? MORE LIKE GARDEN GNO.

NO, LANDSCAPING YARD WITH MEN MAKE MUCH SENSE.  THINK OF ALL KINDS OF VARIETY AVAILABLE TO HOMEOWNERS.  PUT ROW OF SENATORS ALONG PATH SO THEIR HOT WIND CREATE NICE BREEZE.  KEEP FEW LAWYERS NEXT TO COMPOST PILE WHERE THEY BELONG.  AND IN EVENING, LET SOUND OF BROS DRINKING BREWSKIS AND TELLING OF WOMAN-PURSUING ESCAPADES LULL YOU TO SLEEP.

ALL IN ALL VELOCIRAPTOR THINK MANSCAPING IS GOOD IDEA.  VELOCIRAPTOR START NOW WITH REMAINS OF MAILMAN.